I have 101 things to do today. And not enough hours in the day for them. Never enough time. And nights are sacred. It's time to wind down after a long day thinking of what I am supposed to do and how to do it. But it isn't the time to think.
From now to nightfall I have a few hours to kill doing the mundane, doing the things I have to do .. and thinking of the things I have to do and don't want to do .. and the things I want to do but don't feel like doing .. and the things I should be doing but can't do.
Despite the 101 things I have to absolutely do today, my mind is wandering - FAR FAR AWAY! The bleak view from my window isn't helping. It snowed the whole weekend. The barren trees, frozen lake and people dragging their boots through footpaths etched in mountains of snow is so grim.
Depression is too big a word - one we shouldn't even blurt out, a friend in denial once told me. Her words echo in my head - as if she is with me in the room now - every time I feel down. If she - SHE - the persona of depression says it is a word which shouldn't be uttered - ever - than larger than life bubbly me shouldn't even entertain it - ever.