Here's the latest on our Number 1 celebrity guest Whacko Jacko..
MICHAEL Jackson is selling off the zoo animals from his Neverland Ranch..
The troubled singer is desperately trying to raise funds by letting his menagerie of exotic beasts go at bargain-basement prices.
Jackson has been frantically phoning round Hollywood trying to offload his collection of elephants, tigers, orangutans and giraffes.
He's so skint that he's willing to sell the expensive creatures for as little as a quarter of their true value
And they really are going cheap ..
Jackson offered V for Vendetta producer Joel Silva a pair of giraffes for £12,500 - despite the fact they are valued at £25,000 EACH.
The Gloved One is also flogging his £15,000 tigers at the knock-down price of £4000, his £35,000 elephants for a measly £9000 each and a £5000 crocodile for only £1250.
Jacko's camel, alpaca and llamas were repossessed - but he still has a group of £10,000 orangutans to sell.
I suggest a Bahraini buys them and sets them loose in Bahrain. The hungry tigers in particular would be a bonus and could be unleashed on the mobs everytime there is an 'illegal' gathering of three people or more in public, especially at the airport lounge or outside shopping malls!
This will give the GOONS a break and keep disturbances in check. And if anyone is hurt, we can blame it on natural causes.