This goes to a friend of mine who celebrated her divorce today!
Congrats habibti!
1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 mabrook!
Yup.. we now celebrate divorces more than we actually celebrate weddings and the reason being you walk into a marriage with your eyes shut tight, butterflies in your stomach and images of a rosy happily ever after. Walking out of a marriage, on the other hand, leaves you stronger, bolder and opens up a whole new world for new options and opportunities in life -- if you are stuck in a bad marriage that is!
I totally disagree with the idea that a divorce leaves a stigma and brings a bad name to a woman. The failure of any marriage isn't the fault of the woman alone and she shouldn't carry the burden and shame alone -- especially in our societies where a divorce is always the woman's fault.
Congrats girl for a happy ending to an awful union and here's to a great future ahead of you. You rock and I know you are much much more happier now than you have ever been. At least the blinkers on your eyes are no longer there and you can now know more about the realities of life. A bastard who doesn't live up to his word and whose eyes drift to other women isn't worth the hassle. Good guys are available out there for a dime a dozen!
5 September 2007
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10 comments:
unfortunately our societies consider repudiated women as second hand goods. i said repudiated because divorced women are rare. it's not about who's the bad and who's the good. it's all about being a woman and being repudiated.
anyway, mabrouk to your friend and i wish her all the best :)
I'm sorry for your friend and her ex husband, and hope both of them better luck in the future
There's nothing to celebrate in "ابغض الحلال" it's a sad occasion. The day the holy union fell apart, and the day both of them have failed.
Well, I wouldnt go as far as to say "celebrate" a divorce, but definately, if a marriage does hit rock bottom it's always better to split ways. Unfortunately, like you said, the reaction towards a 'divorced' woman is always different than that towards a divorced man, and thats just based on the primitive logic of some of our socieites.
Truth is, people make mistakes sometimes in choosing their life partner; that happens, its just how life runs. Its better to split up than continue living life in pain, which will eventually escalate as they get children etc. Anyway, I hope the best for your friend and her ex, there's still a life of opportunity out there.
Hell YES! I totally agree with you, girl, and I disagree with Qwaider and Ammaro - there are many reasons to celebrate divorce! All this "holy union" crap makes me feel like I took a bite of a sour apple. Yikes. If it is a bad marriage, then divorce is a good thing.
You can't tell me that everyone out there is a real good person. Therefore, definitely not every marriage is a real good marriage. And the sooner you get out of bad one, the better for you.
So my congratulations to the girl who found enough guts to end it, even though in her society it is never easy.
Yes of course a divorce in itself is not a very nice thing, but you know what's worse?? A marriage gone bad.
Sure, you could celebrate a divorce in the sense that you've gotten your life back, and that you're free once again, and that you have your life open once more for new experiences... But, it still means a lot of heartbreak and pain in between, and that is a shame...
Here I am with you, Ammaro. It is a shame...
Sorry to hear about your friends divorce but it's a great post. She is lucky to have a friend like you :).
[REF]
xoussef said...
unfortunately our societies consider repudiated women as second hand goods. i said repudiated because divorced women are rare.
Qwaider:
The day the holy union fell apart, and the day both of them have failed.
ammaro.com
But, it still means a lot of heartbreak and pain in between, and that is a shame...
[/REF]
Xoussef: Divorced women are rare? If we are specifically talking about divorced muslim women... I am sure there are quite a big number of them. How dare you say, repudiated women! Do you mean to say that if there is a divorce it is only becuase a man repudiated his wife? Correct me if I am wrong. In context of marriage, repudiation means 'disowning'.
I checked the Oxford dictionary to find the subtle meaning. I find the 'disowning' meaning of repudiation a big insult to all my sisters out there. WTF is it that a man owns a woman when he marries her?
Whatever you wanted to say Xoussef, how dare you use of the phrase "repudiated women?"
Qwaider: When a man cheats on his wife - and the wife gets a divorce - how can you say she failed the marriage? What holy burden should she carry on her shoulders - for her husband had an itchy c0&k and no moral values? In SBG's post it is very clear: "A bastard who doesn't live up to his word and whose eyes drift to other women isn't worth the hassle. Good guys are available out there for a dime a dozen!"
No, in this case, the woman hasn't failed God.
At least for the sake of decency, do not try to malign the woman by appropriating her husband's crime to her. The holy union ceased to exist when the husband cheated on his wife.
Ammaro: The woman, in this case, need not feel ashamed at all. In fact she shouldn't even feel any pain at all - for it was good riddance.
It is up to the man and woman to keep their marriage sacred. There is nothing divine about the union between man and a woman. It is foolish to say marriages are made in heaven, it is a f!#%ing excuse. No marriage is made in heaven; what makes a good marriage is when an honest man and an honest women live an honest life - together.
Thank you all for your comments.. Yes.. divorce signals a failure but it is a great opportunity to break free from a life sentence of slavery and humiliation in my friend's case.
I am so so so happy for her :)
McMenon: yeah that's exactly what i meant, my English is weak but i used that word on purpose. what do you call it when a man has to say "inti taliq" to "divorce"? what do you call it when a man has only to go to the Adoul, Maazoun or Qadi and send his wife "her paper" without warning or consulting her and without reason? what do you call that? it's repudiating. it's basically as easy as getting rid of your old car. In the other hand, do women have the same rights? can a woman "divorce" a man she dislike without spending years in court or giving up on all her financial rights? Is it "divorce"? do you really think that?
if you prefer to keep blind eye on this and use an inaccurate word it's your problem. but yes, i dare say it because it's the truth.
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