I feel different .. or rather indifferent today. Nope.. I don't have my words muddled up in my head. Not today.

For those who know me.. they will know that once upon a time.. I had everything I ever wanted. I had my own place, wardrobe, car (and all other material objects), job, life, world, existence. I was a human being. I was single. My decisions were mine alone and any consequences which resulted from actions made on impulse were mine alone to enjoy and laugh at. I swear to Allah Almighty..I don't have any regrets .. nor guilt. I was a free person. A free-decision-making Libra.. and for those who know Librans.. they should understand that decisions aren't easy to come by. They don't grow on trees.

And now.. living between Wonderland and Canada..has divided my life and assets (if I should put it this way) into half. I can't drag all my stuff with me everywhere I go and I can't possibly have duplicates of everything, especially since I sincerely truely enjoy the finer things in life.. Hell.. I mean I understand nobody sees them.. but even my undies have to be designer!

In Wonderland.. things get a bit more complicated since I live in three different places. I have a room in my in-laws house, my mother's house and my sister's house.. all with miscellaneous things in them. You figure what happens when I want to go out or have dinner.. or just laze around with my friends.. or go to the 101 weddings being held simultaneously across Bahrain. You should also consider the mental strain of trying to figure out where everything is.. where that bag and its shoes are.. where that stupid shawl is and whether I need to wear jewellery or not.

If I need to wear jewellery I don't normally wear everyday.. It is another production as all that is in safes which I don't have access to since I am not living here anyway.

Up to last night.. I was annoyed and felt out of place.. Because once you have your own place.. you just can't be a bum like me and curl yourself and go to sleep any where. You become territorial and you want your own place. You realise that unlike a cat, you could be human - and a selfish one too.

But this morning I woke up with a different feeling.. or rather a feeling of indifference. Who the fuck cares where I am as long as I make the best of the SHITUATION I am in.. which brings us to today's word:

SHITuation: A SHITTY situation, which could be stressful at times and which is inevitably always out of our own making!


bint battuta said...

i can sympathise with not having a home! i have spent too long moving around and living in other people's houses - for a while not feeling tied to a place can be very energising, but then it gets exhausting...

SillyBahrainiGirl said...

I read you bint battuta..as much as everyone is so welcoming and accomodating .. I just can't bring myself to feel I am 'home'!

Um Naief said...

I like the new word!!

Happy New Year! :)

SillyBahrainiGirl said...

Thanks Tooners. Happy New Year to you too.

Téméraire said...

Very interesting Blog, Bravo.

LuLu said...

I'm new to the blog world but I think urs might be my favorite! New worlds fascinate me! Keep postin :-)

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