Just a short note to tell you that I am back...back at work.. on my desk..back to waking up early in the morning and wasting a day - a full day of my life from 8am to 8pm with no breaks or thank yous - at work.
This in turn means more rants...more grumbling and more nagging.
There are things which just don't change but my resolution is to let go of things. My problem is that I have been serious about everything. At school, I was a high achiever. At university, I was the top student - with a GPA yet to be broken - and that has been done with no effort...like I didn't spend sleepless nights and all.. and at work, I have climbed the ladder firmly one step at a time...and have made it to where not many women would venture.
The end result is this: someone who has put all her life, energy and ambition in a hopeless career in a backward country.
"Stop the self-pity" I can hear people scream.. Yes. I agree. But I am not indulging in self-pity and I never did. The fact is that I enjoy the job, the stress and its thankless nature. Eventhough a lot of people think it's a waste of space and time, I feel that a lot has been achieved over the years and there is scope for more development.
But this optimistic attitude is now a thing of the past. Back to my point, my new resolution is not to take things to heart. Not to take things personally. It is only a job. I am an employee. I will just do my work and leave everyday. I will not get out of my way to make things run smoothly. I will not care. I will not share. I will not feel. I will mechanically do a job I think I can manage mechanically. Like a monkey, I will come to work at 8.30am and leave at 1pm and return at 3pm to leave at 6pm. I will not work a minute more. I can always leave what hasn't been completed today to tomorrow. Who would know? Besides, who cares?
23 April 2005
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8 comments:
Welcome back! I have a hard time believing you could really do that! You're too much of a spitfire. :D
oops...
I am still in the office..
Wrapping up though!
I would like to second Sume's comment.. you cant pull what you said off.. and if you could you'd loose a part of you or is it that loosing a part of you would lead to that. Only you would know.
Loosing a part of me?
emmmm
Like wasting my life?
Like loosing the will to wake up in the morning and face the music?
Like the purpose of all this?
Like the drive and the will?
Like any hope for tomorrow?
SBH - I keep a journal, and one of my entries last year was extremely close to what you wrote. The thing with thinking like that is - you think it, and when you write it down you feel good. But when you start working and you're in the middle of something, and an event that ticks you off occurs, you forget about it and the crouching tiger becomes the angry dragon!
It seems to me that there are a couple of things in your mind that are just running in a spiral (now that I recall a post by you a few months ago).
It took a change of environment for me to fix myself and my mind. Now I work in this envrionment that is overflowing with thankfulness. I get thanked for coming in early, thanked for printing the schedule for the social club, and I get called a god when I fix someone's excel problems. (I also get a day off whenever I want - now I'm just bragging.)
But then again, I don't work in Bahrain. I knew that my high achievements in school and university would be flushed down the toilet in that country. I'm loved, appreciated, and cared-for in this place, and that's all some humans need sometimes.
So Odd A ... are u suggesting that I pack up and leave to a land of greater opportunities, where the grass is greener?
SBG
You've been itching to leave for a good while now.
Someday, I'll publish my manifesto on emigration. You'll probably make me get cracking on it sooner.
I think at the end of the day you weant to be in a position where you are appreciated and NOT taken for granted. Here's a dirty little secret, it happens here in the US too.
One day, you'll make that decision for yourself. Until then, may I suggest doing a one year "excursion". Give them a chance to miss you. Better yet, make them pay for it, like a company transfer, so they have some sort of investment that they'll now need to take better care of.
SBH, the grass is greener here. Trust me.
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