I feel like a bullet train has hit me head on for no reason - I wasn't even anywhere near the tracks. And in my daze, instead of trying to reason, understand or figure things out, I come here to my safe corner, where my laptop is. Gasping for air, with every breath, I feel myself drowning some more. Somehow, air isn't what I need in my lungs. It feels heavy and it even hurts.

Suicide tendencies have crossed my mind from time to time - even though I do look and seem sound. In my darkest moments, I see myself repeatedly stabbing myself. We two don't get along so well with each other and have a history - and bad blood, I should add. I get squeamish of blood. The mere thought of it and its stench make me want to throw up. Now the idea of me wanting to throw up is making me sick in the stomach.

Sorry. Hang on. Have to run to the bathroom.


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