What a BIN GAHBA of a Year!

The transition from 2006 to 2007 has had its moments, if I should be courteous in summing up my feelings. And 2007 has all the signs of being a BIN GAHBA* of a year.

I have just recovered from what could be described as the flu of the century. I don't know what it was but I was flat on my back in bed for about three weeks. The symptoms ranged from fever, shivering, running nose (and stomach), vomiting and nausea. And my tonsils were killing me.. And that cough.. If you hadn't known better.. you would have thought I was a maniac chain smoker. Yuck!! The thought of that repulsive smoke curling its way out of my lips! For a moment I thought that it could be some bug I caught in India, while attending the Global Voices Summit.. haha .. but then it just wouldn't go! I really thought I was dying..but that's not to be. Not yet, at least.

And since I was recovering and since I was 60% functional.. I left my deathbed and ventured my way up north to the Great White Canadian Plains. I knew deep inside my heart it wasn't a good start when the prostitute at the check-in counter at the Bahrain International Airport turned around and yelled: "Mohammed..where will this Toronto be!" I think I still have brain damage from the noise the alarm bells which rang in my head made. What a cow! Why was she standing there in front of me? To pay me for the look I gave her, she gave me what was probably the worst seat on the plane.. a Gulf Air plane mind you! I was sandwiched between two fat people, who fell asleep stranding me in my place for a good 10 hours. Yes.. It takes Gulf Air 10 hours to fly from Bahrain to Heathrow because there is always some technical error somewhere which they need to fix.. and the fuckers took their own sweet time fixing their problems at my expense, regardless of the fact that I had a connecting flight which I would miss no matter what. Also, the fact that I can't sleep on planes was irrelevant to anyone I suppose.

At Heathrow, you have to go through the indignity of taking off your shoes as though you were entering a Mosque. Security procedures..What ever! And hours later.. millions of Indians rubbing themselves against me..and pushing and pulling me in all directions..I arrive at the Air Canada counter..where I am told that my plane had taken off (without me).. and that I may or may not find a seat on the next plane.

Back to the Gulf Air counter and more name calling and yelling and swearing.. and the ground staff walks over to the Air Canada counter and comes back with my boarding pass. Pussy power wins! Yey! I go back and ask the asshole to ensure that my baggage goes with me on the same plane.. and he says.. yes.. of course. What a pompous bastard. He looked like he had something stuck up his arse.

Anyway..this time occupying an aisle seat..I sit back trying to watch The Queen, The Departed and an assortment of other movies (which weren't being shown on Gulf Air because their technical glitch meant that their entertainment system wouldn't work)..while trying to keep my mind off the fat Pakistani or Indian lesbian who was rubbing her shoulders and thighs against mine. What is wrong with those fuckers? She paid for one seat and has no right to spread her bulk on to mine. In no mood to speak to her.. I sat at a tilt.. until that is.. she decided to rest her head on her son's shoulders (the son sitting on the seat on the other side) and curl her legs under her bulk..Little by little she started feeling more comfortable.. until I felt her moist smelly feet sneaking their way up my ass! I knew that woman wasn't straight. She was trying to get her sexual frustrations out on me.. but that wasn't to be.. I yelled at the prostitute and asked her to remove her stinky feet from my seat and not try and come anywhere close to my ass...or else.

Millions of hours later.. a knackered sleepy phanthom of the former me arrives in Canada.. to discover after waiting for almost an hour by the conveyer belt .. that my luggage wasn't there. Was it because of the Bahraini prostitute who didn't know where Toronto was? Was it the gay Air Canada guy who had something stuck up his anus? Did someone steal my bags while I was being questioned by immigration about what I was going to do in Canada?

That was the final straw.. until of course I went to the complaints desk to discover that the Lesbian and her son also had their baggage missing! Hurray!!!

What a BIN GAHBA start for the year!

* Ultra rude Arabic slur