Away from the doom and gloom of travelling, allow me to share with you what I have done in Sunnyvale, home of Silicon Valley's innovation, the hotbed of many of toys we use to flex our finger muscles and make our words scream out, loud and clear, day in, day out.
Words have power, the power to land you in a cell, with no Internet connection. If slow Internet is torture for us, imagine how life would be in a cubic metre cell, swarming with creepy crawlies, in one of those countries which so abhor free discourse, no matter how silly or frivolous it may be.
And to protect you from the power of your words and the sudden rushes of courage which sometimes overcome you when you envision yourself as a keyboard warrior, tapping away word after word, and with the click of a button, and in stark disregard to the laws of repression in your countries, demand an audience and a readership, I, singlehandedly have come up with a way to save you from your worrisome thoughts and the trouble you can land yourself in, wittingly or unwittingly.
I was in Sunnyvale to sign a contract for my new breed of computers, which will be rolling off the production lines soon. And I have also clinched a few deals, with so many countries queuing up for my marvel, which will of course make me a billionaire overnight, thanks to my vision and farsightedness. In what is now being described by netizens across the repressed world as a stroke of genius, I, Silly Bahraini Girl, have once again used my two brain cells to put one and one together, and come up with the winning solution - a solution which will make me rich and make you safe.
So, what's so special about my new computer. Without further rambling, here are some of its features:
1. My new computer saves and automatically and voluntarily saves all your online activities, and sends them to the concerned authorities in your home country for pre-approval before you are able to click send. This includes your emails, blog posts, Facebook status entries, Tweets, etc. Once your nonsense gets approved, the government kindly and thankfully posts it online on your behalf.
2. My new computer is Halal. It is Islamically sanctioned and is available for Muslims only and this is why:
a. Women are not allowed to use it without the presence of a male chaperone
b. It automatically shuts down five times a day for prayer break
c. It automatically blocks you from accessing porn, music or pictures of scantly-clad women, or men, or anything living for that matter.
d. If you dare bypass the proxy on those sites, it reports you to the authorities
And .. I am sorry I have to cut short this post as it has started raining ... bummmmer ... (Oh yes, my computer locks off if you type any profanities) .. and I hate the dark and gloom .. and damn it ... all my plans for this super duper weekend are ruined.
Plans for a BBQ, my foot!!