Why is it when I specifically ask that no idiot is within a five kilometre radius from me .. that I am stuck with them in an elevator?

Do I have to wear a sign: warning: keep away: have a tendency to explode when confronted by morons sign on me 24/7?

Take today for instance. I venture out of my cave after I monitor the skies and see a lull in its diarrhea. Snow flakes were in the air. Paper bags and leaves flying. Stealing a window of opportunity, as the sun made its way from behind the treacherous clouds, I don my boots and jacket and venture outdoors to carry out some urgent business. Armed with my sun glasses, I go to the bank and rush back, thanking the Almighty for the extra padding I have around my bulk which had stopped the gale from picking me up and dropping me off somewhere near Eskimoland.

And then comes the moronic moment..

I enter the building and eye the elevator. As I step in, I see a woman in a Hijab rushing in. I smile and hold the door for her. She smiles back, showing me her five front teeth. Five, for fuck's sake. Five! That should have given me a signal and I should have rushed out of the elevator and taken the stairs. But no.. I still had some decency in me. Some people just never learn their lesson.

In Arabic, I ask her which floor? I should have taken off my boots there and then and sniffed on my soaking wet socks and smothered myself to death before even venturing there. Moments of silence ensued. The cat has eaten her tongue, leaving her teeth in disarray. Another show of teeth, while I wait. She presses 11. I give her a glare. Then I reconsider. Maybe she isn't Arab. Why should I assume she is just because she has a garbage bag on her head? She could be Iranian or Kurdish, Afghani or Talibani. She could even be an impostor or a transvestite, a he-she or suffering from dementia and out in her Halloween costume at the end of November.

Hours of silence later I reach my floor. As I was stepping out of the elevator, she ventures in Arabic: Are you Arab?

Duh? I look back. If I wasn't Arab, would I be this angry? Would I have torn and shredded you to bits for your stupidity and lack of social skills? I held the door for you, you cow. I asked you which floor as if I was employed by the building as a bellboy .. and I even questioned myself and burned a few precious brain cells thinking if I had done wrong by addressing you in Arabic.

I look back. Another show of five teeth. Oh please. Spare me!

"No. I am Israeli," I reply!

Now .. that should teach her not to accept rides from strangers in elevators!

5 comments:

Qwaider قويدر said...

WOW!
We need to start a stone throwing campaign against you :)

Did occur to you that you didn't give the poor woman a chance? You're obviously irritated by something.
She's slow, I give you that. But maybe she couldn't believe her ears. It happens to us in the west all the time.
When I travel back home after a long stay in the west. And I hear people speak Arabic in the street I get confused and stare at them. Only to remember that it's completely normal here

As we say ... Tawwli balek! :)

Tarek said...

Now, you are an Angry Bahraini Girl. Anyways Idiots are everywhere. People most of the time press on both the "Going Up", and "Going Down" buttons to call an elevator, when they arre only going down. They really piss me off when they do so.

SillyBahrainiGirl said...

Qwaider,

Stone throwing campaigns should be routinely organised against adulterous bastards and prostitutes..
I don't fully fall into that category - YET!

And my baaaaaal is so taweel you just have no idea!

Tarek,
I am angry and being able to understand and express your anger is a healthy thing.

If I were you and I was in the elevator with those twits, I would have volunteered and pressed all the numbers. That would have thought them a lesson!

Joeprah said...

I think the real issue is that the 5 toothed lady did not know how to say thank you. I hate going out of my way to be nice to someone in hopes of a simple thanks in return, it is an unwritten code of conduct to use those two words on occasion, right? I think you may have over-reacted a bit, I mean she had five teeth, she probably doesn't like to open her mouth more than required.

SillyBahrainiGirl said...

hehe .. yes that could be it ..
True, she didn't even have the courtesy to say thank you!

Post a Comment

Copyright © Silly Bahraini Girl