"When are you coming back home?" you ask.
Soon.
Very soon.
I was just taking a break. I too deserve a break.

It baffles me how people in Bahrain think I am nuts when I talk to them about how I yearn to return. In my first year here, I returned to Bahrain THREE times.. Coming back here was harder and harder every time, to the extent that I started dreading going back .. because I knew that after a short honeymoon, I will be back to the four walls of my self-exile.

When back home, I tried to detach myself ... here, I religiously read the papers, the blogs and forums to sniff what is happening. It wasn't just because I was a journalist that I was interested... it was because I always knew that this 'break' was temporary and I would ultimately be back.

I didn't make the best of my time here. I didn't do what I wanted. I didn't achieve much personally. I don't have an MA or a Phd.. I didn't hone my artistic skills.. I didn't do many of the things I has always wanted when I finally had my one break out of a busy schedule.

Workwise, I flourished. I wrote and networked and attended conferences and spoke at them. I learned so much and even conquered my terror of stage fright. I am now a certified house-keeper and sous chef.. and many other things I don't want to brag about.

But there still remains a void. No matter what I do it means nothing compared to the pain of being away from home, family, friends and people who really love and appreciate me.

I miss my Bahrain. I miss the silliness and stupidity.. the weird phony accents.. the fact that there is no where to go and we end up in the same places, ordering the same things, talking about the same topics.. Everyday repeating itself the next day .. Deja vu? Nah.. That my dear friends is why it was originally named Dilmun - the Land of Eternity. Because nothing ever changes .. and everyday is the same .. you never feel the passage of time.. You live in eternal bliss, chaos, corruption, whoring, lying, cheating or silliness.. whatever you make out of it. It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters when you get a chance to shamelessly repeat the same mistakes again and again and again... with every new day that repeats itself.

5 comments:

Sans said...

Time is a wonderful teacher.

Um Naief said...

hmmmm... i don't know if i'd consider that constant repetition a good thing. that same ole, same ole really starts getting to me after a while... but maybe it's just me.

ammaro.com said...

thats just it about bahrain... when you leave, you cant wait to get back, and when youre back, you cant wait to leave!

i remember yearning for the place when i was in the states, just day dreaming. i remembered dreading going to college back in UAE. but whenever i was back, it didnt take long before the repetition got to me, and i had to leave! wierd. when are you coming home?

Yacoub said...

Like Dorethy said "There's no place like home"

Everyone likes a change once in a while and coming back home is shock horror a change!

Now I've been back in Bahrain for two years since I graduated from the UK and now I've come back to my old self when the thought of being away from Bahrain for more than a couple of weeks seems like a nightmare and unthinkable!

The trick to fight of homesickness is by trying something new or unburying something that has been forgotten to pass the time!

و الله يردج بالسلامة ان شاء الله لديارج و احبابج و يتطمنون عليج

Gardens of Sand said...

Silly girl, I feel the same way too. Ol' silly me! I long for Ba7rain in a way the people around me don't understand or believe. I don't mind all the crap that's going on or the hopeless situation. Then I go back and its like a slap in the face. Only I don't mind so much...

Good luck to you sweety, enjoy Canada while you are there!

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