Is it fidelity or infidelity?

Can you have anything less than 100 per cent trust between any couple? If yes, is the whole charade worth it?

How would you react if you were to find the picture of another man/woman in your wife's/husband's/partner's purse/wallet?

Do you just wipe the slate clean and start afresh with the same partner or do you call it a day and move on in life?

------------------------

I would really like to hear your take on this issue.

These are just some of the questions which came to my mind when a friend confided in me how she found the picture of another woman in her husband's wallet.

I am really sorry for spilling the beans here, but I know that she is very unlikely to come across this site and I am also sure many couples have had similar incidents in the past/present/future.

What worried me most is my friend's hunch to check her husband's wallet! Call it a woman's intuition, but it surely paid off and now she is with a man she has always suspected and never thought was stupid enough to take incriminating evidence to her very own house!!!

When trust between couples erodes, is it worth remaining together forever? Is a marriage worth it when a husband cheats on his wife and a woman sneaks around behind his back seeking answers to questions only he should be man enough to answer?

Don't know.. but the floor is open for your input!

24 comments:

Mike C said...

I think you have to take each case in context. Was he acting suspiciously in the first place? Why exactly did she go in his wallet? Maybe at any rate, both will take a step back for a moment of sober reflection. It's easy to do things in the heat of the moment that take so long to forgive or get over. Maybe both ought to let sleeping dogs lie, there must be strong reasons why they got together in the first place.

Cerebralwaste said...

The man is being condemned for a picture? You need more than a picture to base suspicions on I would think. Are there "love messages" on the back of the photo? More details SBG!!! More sordid details please!!

Mike C is right what is the context of the picture?

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jaffar Al-Omran said...

But you have not mentioned if she has asked him about it? And what was his response. And when did she ask him (immediately after she found out or later)

In our society, in which the religion allegedly is the foremost drive of people’s demeanor, there are increasing numbers of men and women cheating on their mate.

Antar said...

I can relate. I strayed off course during my marriage by starting a relationship with a woman over the internet, and what began innocently became a strong emotional affair consuming much of my energy. My wife confronted me and I had to make a decision as to what to do next. I gave-up my long distance relationship and now we have two lovely boys and my wife is pregnant with a third.

If anything, the children deserved a second chance to have both parents in a household.

leyla9532 said...

Why are you so concerned about other people's reation for your "friend"???? this must have happened to you and you are too scared to admit that your relationship has decayed to a point of no return

SillyBahrainiGirl said...

Mike C and CW,
Yup. You can't condemn a man for a picture in his wallet.. can you?

Jaffar, It was a long distance conversation on the phone. Nope. I didn't ask her if she 'confronted' him.

Antar, Thanks for sharing.

LOL.. Leyla ... That's the funniest thing I have heard in ages! Thanks for making me laugh!

Cerebralwaste said...

SillyBahrainiGirl said...
"Mike C and CW,
Yup. You can't condemn a man for a picture in his wallet.. can you?"

Well SBG, rational people wouldn't judge a man by harmless photo in his wallet. However experiance has shown, all down through the ages that most women are illrational when it comes to men!

Cerebralwaste said...

Damn TOONERS why haven't you popped in on this. Your banter is needed GIRL!! Offer is still on the table for a CW interview.........

shahrezade said...

i agree that the discussion needs more context...for example, i don't carry pics in my wallet, but i have a bunch on my phone-- including about 1,000 of my husband and one of a (gay) male friend. i'm certainly not having an affair with him!! on the other hand, i know of a couple who divorced because of an extramarital 'friendship.' even if they haven't had any sexual contact, the relationship definitely could be cheating, in my opinion. the question is how invested he is in that other relationship. if he is cheating, then the question becomes whether he is truly sorry and whether she can forgive him. only they can answer that.

Mike C said...

"Call it a woman's intuition, but it surely paid off and now she is with a man she has always suspected and never thought was stupid enough to take incriminating evidence to her very own house!!!"

I bet she'd be happier if she never found it. Assuming he's cheating, he's not happier either, or hasn't developed a strong sense of right and wrong.

It almost sounds like a contest. Almost makes me feel better about the disastrous way I conducted my own marraige :) .

Isa_S said...

I think that she should talk to him about it as soon as she can. It's a sign of a healthy and loving relationship and/or marriage that they would be able to talk about anything and -trust- that they would work things out.

If she still believes in the marriage then she should test her belief. If she doesn't and he does, then she should test his belief. If neither does, then they would be so much happier with other people. They shouldn't punish themselves over something they don't believe in. The only exception would be keeping the family together for the sake of one's precious children. Never for the desire's of one's extended family.

It may be that both sides expected that circumstance would be enough to keep a marriage true and loving. Even the most passionate love needs to made anew day after day and a Love uncared for soon grows weak. I feel your friend can make her marriage blossom, but only if her belief is strong and if her God wills it so.

I wish her the best...

Marsha said...

Maybe it's not just the picture. Maybe other things have not been right either. On the other hand you really don't know if he or she is cheating unless you ask. The picture could be just a picture of a friend.

Omni said...

It's pretty standard to have limited trust for your mate at best, because trusting someone means you're sure they'll always do the right thing, and most mates, being human, do the WRONG thing much of the time; if a person shows up late, fails to call when they say they will, forgets to run errands and so forth they are NOT trustworthy in the fullest sense, because they do NOT do what they're supposed to do, what they said or even promised they'd do... and to give them full trust in defiance of the facts is foolish.

My husband and I have substantial time and assets tied up with each other, so our relationship isn't disposable; he'd wish he'd never been born if I caught him out, though, lol.

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Ron Larson said...

and a woman sneaks around behind his back seeking answers to questions only he should be man enough to answer?
You are being niave if you think that the same man who is cheating is going to be forthright about it. Then it wouldn't be "cheating", would it? The fact is, she has hunch. If she had asked him outright, then he would have said no.

I can't tell you how many couples I know who have broken up because of cheating that was discovered, usally by emails that were not deleted. The email trip up has happened to two close female friends of mine. Both got me involved when their husband's claim the emails were a mistake and were not send to them. I was able to prove they were. Both husbands clung to their denials, until other evidence came forward and they knew they were caught. Then they admit all and plead for mercy for forgivness. But too late.

Another thing that happened to both women is that after they knew their husband's were cheating, other evidence became apparent. Things they had dismissed before now made perfect sense. And even more shocking, once they told their friends, their friends also told them of things they knew. You see, the woman is always the last to know. Friends will know things and not tell you. But once you know he is cheating, then they tell you what they also know.

So if she tells his and her friends that she caught him cheating, they will probablly tell her of things they have seen and heard that confirm that fact. It is funny how it works that way.

No one can answer your question because there is not enough information. All we have is a photo in a wallet. How old is the woman in the wallet? Is there anything written on the back? Have there been strange phone calls? Can she check his email without him knowing (if it is not too late)? Has she checked his cell phone call log and SMS? Does she find that his cell phone is unanswered and strange times when he normally anwers right away? Does he always spend a lot of late nights "working"?

leyla9532 said...

I think you need to be truthful with yourself, its ok sometimes to ask for help....i have been through this and it doesn't get better, it just gets worse, believe in the female species, alot of times we don't because we want to blame outside forces for the weaknesses we have within our relationship..Good luck to you from all my heart

SillyBahrainiGirl said...

Thanks Larson.. I don't have a lot of details about the "incident".

Dear Leila, Go get treatment for that pussy itch. Good luck to you too.

tooners said...

I'll tell ya, when I think about cheating, I think there are many ways a person can cheat. One way is obvious - sexual infidelity; and then you have emotional infidelity - which I think can be far more harmful in some cases.

Even though there was a picture in this person's wallet doesn't mean the person is cheating BUT they, more than likely, could be seriously thinking about it. When a person cheats emotionally it can still destroy the marriage/union, and it can lead to more extreme cheating as well.

W/ some ppl, I believe 'once a cheater always a cheater' and there could be many more instances where this person has cheated and the spouse/significant other just hasn't caught them. Nowadays, it's so easy to cheat. You have email, blogs, chat rooms - not including meeting others in real life environments - just so many things to temp a person. If the ppl aren't happy and truly don't want to be w/ that other person, then I think it's easy to take the path of a cheater.

Sometimes when the heart is 'gone', nothing will bring it back.

Cerebralwaste said...

All the info SBG has given us is that IT WAS JUST A BLEEPIN' Picture and the mans WIFE is upset about finding it. We have NO other info.

I am wondering just what the WIFE was doing in the MANS wallet in the first place.. Was she trying to clip the guys American Express card? (like so many women LOVE to do!)Is no one upset at her for being a snoop? How would said wife feel if the husband went digging into her purse? Talk about a one sided story and drawing conclusion based on THIN evidence.

From the info given I would advise this guy to trade her in for a new model since she doesn't have the stones to confront him like a HEALTHY marriage should have.

Unless of course he is cheating and in that case she should snip his balls off.

tooners said...

Maybe she was digging around cuz she suspected something... you know, that woman's intuition.

Maybe not tho and she was just being nosey. I think there are a ton of women who do that - which I think could drive a man to cheat and vice versa. Imagine having someone constantly doing that or accusing you when you haven't done a thing.... I see ppl do that all the time. Where's the trust?!

but hey... sometimes ppl just AREN'T meant to be together.. it happens. I'd be interested to know if these two married for love or if it was an arranged marriage.

Morgaine Le Fae said...

If I found a picture of another man or woman in my husband's wallet, I would have to leave for a few days. Nothing major, just long enough to cool down and discuss it rationally. Obviously, if he's seeing someone else, or feels close enough to someone that he's carrying their picture around, something must be awry in our relationship. Don't you think? But if it's the straw that breaks the proverbial camels back, well then good riddance.

Blewyn said...

It's an odd one this eh ? I mean, you only really know if your partner is cheating if you actually catch them ....cheating. Or they tell you.."honeybun, I cheated". But having said that, what possible explanation could there be for another woman's picture in this guy's wallet ?

Morgaine Le Fae said...

"It's just a friend." Yeah, sure. And they sleep together with their clothes on too, I'll bet. Unless the guys is very honorable, I doubt he would come right out and spill his guts about the affair - even the nicest guys would lie about an affair, unless he wanted out of the relationship.

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