Home Sweet Home

I am still here. Still in the Magical Kingdom of Bahrain. I am waiting for it to seep in.

It will take sometime but I know, I will understand what and why I did what I did one day.

It's not just that I couldn't wake up. I couldn't get myself out of bed. I couldn't face the drive to Muharraq. I couldn't stomach checking out at the Masala Airport of Bahrain. And there is no way I would have been able to kill time in that cheesy lounge or in that Duty Free of yesteryear. And the plane ride. The plane ride? What do I have to say about that? I would've drawn the attention of the cabin crew, who would have requested the pilot to issue a restraining order or something like that and shssssssssssssssh ... please don't ask me why, for I have no answer for my irrational behaviour and my unchecked anger and my silly stream of thought.

As much as I wanted to get the hell out of here, don't ask me why I just couldn't bring myself to pack and hop into a plane and go off somewhere else to recharge my batteries and return back to this miserable place called Home Sweet Home.

I don't know whether I know or I am being silly and pretending not to know.

The truth of the matter is that I am fed up of lying to myself about this and that. The truth of the matter is what is the point of going off somewhere else and having a good time only to come back here to where the crow croaks or caws or whatever else crows are allowed to do here.

I have this growing feeling inside me of packing up and leaving and ... not coming back ever again. It's growing on me so much that frankly speaking, the only reason I didn't leave yesterday was because I knew inside me that had I left, I wouldn't have ever come back again.

1. My responsibility?
2. My family?
3. My job?
4. My home?

Yes, tough questions. Here are my answers:

1. My sanity? My responsibility should be a little towards myself. I need to ensure that I protect myself from the insanity of being in Bahrain and caring so much for it could bring me.

2. My family could visit me.. who said they are banned from travelling? And I swear, I will not tell anyone I am subjecting myself to self-exile.

3. Who said I am not skilled enough to find a job in my line of business anywhere else? In fact, I would be more respected and better paid.

4. A home is where you should feel comfortable enough you can relax and take a shit.

A home is where you feel secure and where you know you belong. A home is where you feel like a human being.

A home is not bricks and mortar and furniture and roads and high-rises and hotels and prostitutes and cheap tourists and thieving officials and a corrupt police force and judiciary.

A HOME SHOULDN'T BE ANOTHER LIE.

Why April So Early??

Someone has decided that it's April and has decided to pull an April Fool's Day stunt on me.

This someone has nominated me for the Arab Bloggers Award, which has been developed by Mahmood and Haitham to give the very secure and sickly transparent Arab governments a quick and easily accessible site which lists all the Arab websites and all the Arab bloggers: people who had to resort to the internet to make their cyber voices heard after they have gone hoarse barking up the bloody wrong tree for God knows how long.

Well you know what? It didn't make me laugh. It didn't make me smile. I am sulking and will continue to sulk for as long as I feel like it. I know I am sounding a bit arrogant here as I really have no say in my mental situation and I am down, down and deeply destressingly down, whether I like it or not.

I have been in this mood ever since New Year's and I tried hard to blame it on a year which has gone all wrong, on the general mood, on my inability to let go of silly little things called values and principles and go with the general flow and finally on the tsunami... yes...it was a befitting excuse to spend the first 1/12th of the year in depression over their lost hopes and dreams and aspirations and lives.

I don't know whether the selfish me was lamenting over them or tormenting myself over MY lost life and why and what and where and how and when it all went wrong.

And then Mahmood and Haitham try and make me laugh ;) with their New Year's surprise (www.arablogger.com) and they know really well that there are monkeys out there who make us all laugh and cry everyday a few times.

Don't get me wrong. www.arablogger.com is a smashing great idea as it brings us all revolutionaries under one roof. Everything about it is more than just great. I really love it. Besides my silly comment about the mercenary police forces in ALL ARAB countries (which is true), the only thing that is annoying me is the fact that I have been nominated ;(

Come closer and I will tell you why: I am a rotten loser. There is no way I am going to win and I have never ever failed in my life... I mean considering that I made all the wrong choices in all the important things.. ehem.. I mean everything which means anything to anyone...I have been very much a very successful (ehem) person (puke)!

What am I saying? Sorry I can't make any sense today because I strongly feel I need to post something. Being a SillyBahrainiGirl, I am sure you all will find this very silly.

Silly Me wants to post something because I am flying somewhere for a short vacation and will not want to have access to the computer or the TV or the radio or newspapers or anything for the whole duration of my absence.

Knowing my luck, my plans got struck by lightening when I got an appointment which I can't move and then... i will still take my holiday and I will fly back to Bahrain and attend my meeting and then fly back to wherever I am going for my little escapade!

You see, where there is a will, there is a way!! Where was my silly will in 2004 when the world came tumbling down?

Here We Go Again!

History repeats itself...more so in a kingdom like Bahrain, which most of the time seems to be in a limbo!

It doesn't seem to know whether it is coming or going or stuck somewhere no one wants to go.

Yes. I know I moan. And yes. I will continue to speak my mind and shed light on all the negative aspects of life even though I am sure that nothing will be done to change the situation we are in and there is no light at the end of this abyss.

The Bahrain Chamber of Commerce announced yesterday that the Eid Al Adha holiday begins on Thursday and will continue until Sunday - giving private sector workers a total of FOUR days off.

The Government hit back today saying that the Eid Al Adha holiday begins on Wednesday and will continue until Monday - giving civil servants and people who don't work anyway SIX days off.

Traditionally, Bahrain has always marked the Eid with a three-day holiday. If the holiday period falls on Friday, then we are compensated by an extra day, making the holiday a total of FOUR days. The whole period was declared by the Cabinet as a public holiday and that was that.

With more occasions, celebrations and the recent deaths of several monarchs, starting with the death of the King of Morocco, followed by the King of Jordan, followed by the late Amir of Bahrain and finally the death of Shaikh Zayed of the UAE, more holidays were declared making people have counting competitions on how many days people in Bahrain are supposed to go to work.

The nose kissing traditions were thrown aside and the private sector decided "enough was enough and the government should not dictate upon us which days should be holidays and which should not."

This is what was related to me by a businessman - off the record of course.

Now the problem is that there is no one in the business community with balls to go back to the government and ask it what it means by the circulars it issues regarding holidays.

Businessmen are smart and questioning the government will make them look stupid, you see. It is also not part of our tradition to question a regime as knowledgeable as ours.

So everytime there is an unexplained public holiday edict, every businessman does what he wants and the losers are the workers who don't know where they stand and what to do and how to plan their lives and their holidays.

This really is a typical attitude towards people in Bahrain in general. Those with authority who decide when a holiday should and when it shouldn't be should have a little bit of respect for individuals and give them enough notice about holidays, in order for the masses to plan what to do with their lives.

I know that Eid holidays are dictated by a Lunar calendar and depend on moon sigthings by a bunch of blind people who decide on when Eid is the minute our neighbour Saudi Arabia declares it is.

However, such holidays can only fall within a limited period of time. A government which respects its people could do the following: it could announce in advance that if Eid falls on X day, the holiday will be on those days. If it happens to fall on Y day, the holiday is ....

But a Eid like Eid Al Adha, which falls on the 10th day of Dhul Hijja, surely could be announced much earlier and such confusions of whether the holiday is a public holiday or one which applies to the private sector or the public sector or both or no one at all could be ironed out.

To add insult to injury, this holiday poses a new quiz for the government and the parliament and the private sector.

The unsolved mystery is the Day of Arafa.

In line with a recommendation from the Useless Parliament Not Elected By The People For The People, the Day of Arafa, which falls immediately before the Eid day was declared a holiday last year.

Since this day was declared a holiday by the Cabinet and not by a Royal Decree, the businessmen have disregarded it as a public holiday. This is a first in Bahrain by all standards. What? A showdown between the government and businessmen? Why?

What will happen now? The King will declare it a public holiday by Royal decree? The government will decide that enough is enough and there are so many unwarranted holidays that businesses are suffering? Or will the question be left hanging until the next Eid Al Adha?

My guess is as good as everybody else's.

Eid Mubarak and have a good one - whether you work in the government or private sector or don't work or don't want to work!
Read more»»

Royal Pursuits

There are times when something or someone grabs your attention and you know there is a connection between you two, though you can never pinpoint what.

This is a creature that I am so much in love with and can't have or keep or take care of for obvious reasons.

Eventhough I have grown up around horses (hehehe) and rode some of the most beautiful stallions and mares found around, this is the only horse I felt was horse enough for me. The sad thing is that he isn't in Bahrain.

I want to share him with you and hopefully some of you may see why I see him as so special! Read more»»

Future Prospects...

For those wondering how I look like, I can give you a sneak preview of the Silly Bahraini Girl of tomorrow.

Do you know what I always wanted to have done to my face when I was growing up? Yes, I will pretend I did not hear you all scream "nose job". What I really wanted, more than anything else in this whole whole world was to have a tatoo on my face.

Thank you mother for making sure I didn't do that in a moment of madness. This is how I would have looked like otherwise:

Image of the Week!

This picture in today's newspapers is too hard to resist. I find it highly amusing. The problem is that not many people see it this way.

Am I the really the only silly person to find it so ticklish to say the least?

If Only There Were More Stravs!

Just when I thought there can't be anymore tears left in me, Strav at http://stravinskyss.blogspot.com/ brought them all flooding again.

I am so moved by his courage to pack up and leave to help the tsunami victims in Sri Lanka. It takes a very brave person to have the stomach to face such a wide scale human tragedy.

I am truly ashamed of myself as I shy away from "emotionally charged" situations. I try to put on a brave face when I know deep inside that I am a sucker and a cry baby.

Since you don't know who I am, I can spill some beans.

Some of the situations I always AVOIDED are paying condolences in person to people when someone dear to them passes away. Like, I can do it over the phone or by cable (yes! those things from the past still exist!), but I cannot come face to face with the grief of knowing that a dear one has ceased to exist.

I try to get away from it. I even fudged it and skipped my grandmother's funeral by missing my flight and not coming back to Bahrain until the whole mess was over.

I know this is scary. I admit I am a coward.

2004 was the first time in my whole life where I had to sit through the three days of a condolence meeting for a dear one, whose life was claimed by cancer. I can still recall it all so vividly like it happened yesterday.

I haven't seen anything more painful. Yes, we had known for some time that she was going, it is just that we didn't expect it to happen so soon.

There are other embarrassing shameful moments in my life, but I will leave that for later. I don't want to lose all credibility all at once.

The fact that Strav has gone out of his way to help the victims is commendable. I wish I had the strength and courage to do so.

Tsunami Special

I don't think there is a single person left who doesn't know what a tsunami is.

Here is some footage showing scenes of how this all started:

http://roel.net/movies/tsunami/penang.wmv

http://roel.net/movies/tsunami/thai.wmv

http://roel.net/movies/tsunami/KATC.wmv

http://roel.net/movies/tsunami/sri-lanka-tsunami.wmv

http://roel.net/movies/tsunami/patong-beach.wmv

http://roel.net/movies/tsunami/tsunamiphuket.wmv

Read more»»

New Year's Resolutions.

Here are my New Year's resolutions which I posted on Bahraini Blogs!
Let's see if I manage to stick to at least one of them..ehem...those of you who know how much will power I have and how I can resist temptation will wonder where I got the courage to go public with this from:

New Year signifies new beginnings and New Year's resolutions are only made at moments of extreme optimism (or when you are high on a dose of hope for a better tomorrow) to be broken when the hangover wears off.

My New Year's resolutions are as follows:
1. I will continue being the person I am, the same opinionated Miss Know It All (Mrs Know It All, if you insist!).
2. I will continue to learn more and read more and meet more and more new people.
3. I will continue to work hard and party harder.
4. I will learn to prioritise. This means I will NOT give all my energy to my job because at the end of the day it is only a job...I will save the best for after working hours. This doesn't mean I don't intend to work hard. It just means I will have to learn to draw the line.
5. I will try and make more time for my family and friends - because they matter to me more than anything else.
6. I will refuse to be intimidated and will continue to speak (and also write) my mind - regardless of whether Bahrain is a democracy or not.
7. I will make more time for my better half...in fact, much much more time!
8. I will try to help as many people as I can - without asking for a return.
9. I will try and change the way I look by shedding the few kilos (15) I have amassed over the previous few years.
10. I will continue to fight for equality and justice in a world facing mounting difficulties understanding what those fundamental aspects of human rights mean!

This is a new entry:
11. Thanks to the threat of tsunamis...I guess I would also have to conquer my great fear of water and maybe, perhaps, attempt to learn to swim. I admit it is more laziness than fear.

DISCLAIMER: You all know I am bluffing.
I am weak. I don't have a strong will. I will put on more weight... and I will run away and hide, with my tail between my legs, at the slightest rebuke from any Tom, Dick or Harry.
Read more»»

New Year's Blues!

A new year has started.

Hurray!

This is the only new thing in my life. Nothing else has changed. To be frank, nothing really matters. No, I am not giving up on things ... yet. But I am in the process of letting go of a lot of things which I have discovered after this long long time are truely meaningless.

What was I really thinking of? That the clock will strike midnight and that everything will change for the better. What was I on?

Spent the whole day yesterday (January 1, 2005) in a comatose state. Like a Tse Tse fly had bitten me or something.

I slept and woke up and slept again and woke up and slept again. Did the world miss me?

No... and I won't tell you what I did the night before or, as a matter of fact, how the night dragged into day without me being able to keep track of time.

The truth is..I can't. But it wasn't anything exciting. Believe me.

It is also the last time I attempt to spend New Year's eve outside the house. It was a TOTAL RIP OFF. I love blowing up money but spending it the way I did, didn't make me feel any better.

In fact. I was depressed. I didn't see what all those morons surrounding me were happy about either. I love good things for other people.

It only dawned upon me today (January 2)...that this New Year was not a time to celebrate! But at least I was able to stand my ground...and go out and decide that I didn't like the commercialisation of it all..

Next year...I would love to spend the night in peace...and perhaps even make the most of New Year's Day!

Happy New Year (again) everyone! Read more»»